forgiveness

I have a hard time forgiving.

Wow... news to you, huh?

LOL. It's true. I can think of at least one long-standing grudge right now that I've held on to for close to 13 years (the person I've held the grudge against apparently thinks I worship the ground they walk on and other such nonsense). I have also held on to several other grudges that have lasted more than a year, and some more than 5.

It's exhausting, and I'd really like to let it all go... but I don't, either.

I'd love to be able to hand it over to God and say, "Lord, just take it. I don't want it anymore." But for whatever reason, every time I do that - I take it right back. all the hurt, anger, and resentment always comes roiling back the millisecond that I even hear the person's name or see something that reminds me of them.

I guess what I'm saying is that I know I have a problem, and prayers to help me let go of it would be appreciated, since I don't know what else to do about it.

Also, I know I have anger issues, and I tend to fly off the handle really quickly - I always thought it was just because I was raised in that kind of home, but I see it in my oldest daughter, and I'm starting to think it might be genetic. I'm already praying about that daily. anyway, my point about this is that my oldest daughter is going to be having her birthday party tomorrow. Friends and family have known about it for nearly 3 weeks... and yet only a select few have chosen to actually let me know whether or not they're coming. Some people have chosen to blatantly ignore the invitation, and others say they're not coming because of something that came up last-minute. Emergencies I understand, trust me. It's when someone can't be bothered to come to a child's birthday party (a family member, at that) that ticks me off. And there's a few that have been consistently invited EVERY year to EVERY child's birthday and have not showed up, but have complained when I haven't showed up to THEIR child's birthday party (How in the heck can I show up when I'm not even invited?). I keep saying "Next year I won't send an invitation. Never again will I waste a stamp on them." But every year I still send one, saying "At least when they don't show AGAIN and disappoint my child AGAIN they won't be able to say they weren't invited or didn't know about it."

My kid's birthday party is gonna be hackin' awesome, whether YOU showed up or not. I always make darn sure of that. Birthdays are days of crazy happy celebration in my house.

Okay... rant over. I'm going to bed and rest up for tomorrow's birthday party, and then trick or treating at the zoo afterwards. :)

Moooosic

Some of the video picks from my family right now, just for your amusement:

My oldest daughter, who will be 10 next month recommends:



My youngest daughter, who is 4 1/2, recommends:



My middle baby, who is 8, recommends:



My stepdaughter, who is 15, recommends:



My husband recommends:



And I recommend:

Where did this last week go?

So the first full week of school has passed pretty uneventfully, which is good in my book. Lulu is loving her gifted/talented classes, and today I even got to go in and watch the classes go to the butterfly garden. It was really cool, and it was even more awesome to hear my kid say, "Look, it's a common buckeye. Look, there are a ton of aphids!" and know she knew what she was talking about :) my oldest has also been enjoying her classes, and is loving the science she's doing. She even drew a picture of a solar eclipse and colored it for extra credit, which she didn't have to do! (we never did a lot of science during our homeschooling year - just a few lessons here and there.) But she is leaps and bounds ahead of the other kids in spelling & vocab, since we focused on that a lot during our homeschool. Now my baby needs to get back into speech therapy, and we're going to do some preschool work for her homeschooling this year.

I've got chicken in the oven baking for dinner tonight, and a roast in the crock pot for tomorrow night... so everything is gravy right now. Here's to hoping that everyone is doing as well as I feel right now!

on love, in sadness

So my stepdaughter turned 15 today... but she also left us to go back to her mom until next summer. We are all feeling topsy turvy... all very sad. So much sadness. She bawled all the way back to her other families' house (she'll be with them for a day before she flies back overseas). Needless to say, we are not dealing well with her departure. Our family gets to be a complete unit for only 6 weeks out of the year. There's a lot I could say - a lot I want to say - to/about her "other" family... but I won't. In spite of the way things are, I do still pray for them every night to finally wake up and see things as they really are. Praying is all I can do - God has a plan, and I have to trust that He knows what he's doing, even though none of us can understand it.

On top of that, my oldest went to the ER today. Turns out she has bronchitis, strep throat, and a sinus infection... and tomorrow is the first day of school for her and her sister. Fun.

So y'all, I need prayers. lots of prayers. So does my poor husband... because if it's this hard for me, a stepmother, I can't even begin to imagine what it's like for him to have to watch his child leave. I just wish that other people would be more understanding.

where did the last 5 weeks go?

And I'm not even talking about summer, I'm talking about our time with Taylor. It felt like when she got here, we had all the time in the world. Now we have 5 days left with her. She doesn't want to leave, and we don't want her to go. I have to admit that at times like these, I struggle spiritually. I keep telling her that God is keeping her with her mom for a reason, and we don't know why (and may never know), but all we can do is pray... but I am having trouble not questioning Him myself right now. :( I think I need prayers too. :(

Happy

Things that make me giddy:

* Back-to-school shopping

* Staying in jammies all day to sit on the bed and watch my favorite movies with my girls

* The smell of tasty cupcakes baking

* The smell of freshly cut grass

* The purr of a contented kitty

* The laughter of my children

* getting compliments on photographs I've taken

And so many more things... but that's it for now.

Check out this entry I found on Shutterfly Summer Freedom Contest.

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