Monday, March 31, 2008

Holy Spirit, say a prayer for me.

I am posting these lyrics in the hope that they will touch someone else just as much as they have touched me.


You in the mirror, starin' back at me,
Oh conscience,
let me the pure, all things are pure.
To those who defiled unbelieving: nothing is pure.
Their minds, their conscience defiled.
They profess to know God, but deceive him by deeds all the while.
Where do I stand, on the rock or in the sand?
Oh Holy Spirit, won't you help me understand?
Holy spirit, say a prayer for me,
With your groanings, My mind, my conscience defiled!
send the blood of the Lamb, don't leave me in exile.
What was the promise on the Cross of Calvary?
Confess the Lord and the truth shall set you free...
create in me a clean heart, O God.
Renew a steadfast spirit within me.
To my prayers you've always given heed.
Blessed be thy God, who never turned away from me.
Hid his face from all my sin, forgot, forgot my iniquity.
Go on and raise your hands, sing praises to the Lord.
He's the King and He'll reign forevermore.
He died upon the cross at Calvary.
He died to save a wretch like me!

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Poor Lulu!

My poor Lexi was up all last night with croup. I took her to the doctor today, and he gave her an oral steroid, which from past experience is the only thing that works on her. She was not happy. This is the kid who doesn't blink at shots, and watches (with interest) when they poke her finger... and today she freaked out over the strep swab they did on her throat. Silly turkey! But tonight she'll be feeling better after she gets her steroid. Thank goodness for that!

I finally got to wander around the new Family Christian bookstore in Clarksville. How cool is that place!! My one complaint: their music section is UBER small. :( If I want a big selection, I guess I'll have to take my lazy rear over to the Wellspring in Louisville. Thanks to my friend Emily, though, I have the new Skillet cd (Thanks, Emmy!), which rocks my socks!

Grace and I are apparently the only ones going to church tonight. Lexi is still feeling oogy, and when Josie woke up last night and didn't see Lexi, she FREAKED out. Seriously. So she was up half the night, too. So the two of them and Daddy are going to stay home and sleep while Grace and I go to church.

Pray for my baby chickenses!

PS - How can this NOT touch your heart?

Monday, March 24, 2008

do I stand on the rock or the sand?

So anyone who knows me at all knows that I have issues with anger. I was raised in a home where my Mom was pretty much sick all the time. Being sick made her angry. I was the only one close, so all of her anger was taken out on me. (At the time I couldn't see that she was angry because of her sickness. I was a teenager. Hindsight is 20/20, remember?) So I grew up dealing with anger the same way she did: I would get mad, explode on the spot, say things I would regret later just to hurt her in the moment, and then stomp off and brood about it. Later on, we'd both be pleasant to each other and pretend the fight had never happened.

I struggle with this as an adult for so many reasons. It's difficult for me to change, because this is my coping mechanism, and up until I got married and had kids, it pretty much worked for me. Get mad at someone, just stop talking to them. A lot of people did the same thing back to me, so I figured it was how a lot of people handled things.

Boy, how wrong was that. I can't even begin to tell you the heartache my anger has caused me. I don't know where it comes from, or if it will ever go away, but I will tell you at one point I sought therapy for it. I have been on mood altering drugs (by prescription, not illegal, lol) to help control it. I haven't found anything that's worked yet.

This week in my bible study at church, we talked about anger. The chapter in our book that we read was about moms dealing with anger, and I will tell you this: I hear you, Lord. You're coming in loud and clear. I just don't know why I never heard you before.

...oh, wait. Yes, I do: I wasn't listening.

I'm listening now. I can see even now how much my angry outbursts have cost me in my relationship with my children, and it hurts me. I know how my mom's anger hurt me, and how angry I would get with her and the things she said to me, and I do NOT want to repeat the cycle with my girls. I want them to be able to come to me and talk to me about things, like I never felt I could with my mom. I want them to want to be around me when they don't have to, like I never felt with my mom. I'm not saying that my mom was a bad mom; please don't think that I am. She was wonderful, and I couldn't have asked for someone better. She got sick, and being sick made her angry, and it changed her into something that I don't want to be.

I am blogging this because I want someone to hold me accountable for my anger. I feel like a made a huge step in the right direction this week, and even today my heart is lighter and I feel as though a huge weight has been removed from my shoulders. My girls were fighting and saying mean things to each other, and normally this would make me shout all sorts of obscenities and threaten them with a spanking if they didn't shape up. Today, though, I stopped before I could yell, and I prayed. I closed my eyes and folded my hands and prayed for the strength not to get mad and not to say hurtful things that I would feel like dirt for later. And whaddya know, it worked. I was able to talk to them without raising my voice once, which is quite a feat for me. Gracie even asked me what she should do when she feels mad at someone and can't stop feeling that way.

I explained that something happened to me last weekend that made me angry, but instead of letting go of it, I held onto it all week, and it made me miserable. I told her that the only things we can do are to pray about it, and occupy ourselves with other, happier things. Immediately she asked me if reading her Bible would help. I said definitely.

So today was a groundbreaking day in my home. I feel completely blessed that God has seen fit to give me a chance to turn my family towards him and to repair the rift that I was starting to create between me and my children. Our home will definitely be a happier one if I can stay on this path. I'm not saying it's going to be easy, but my kids deserve it. I deserve to not be angry for a while, too. I've been angry for far too long. We all deserve a chance to get away from that.

And I know I said I wouldn't be posting pictures anymore, but I'll make an Easter exception and show off my lovelies. I'll delete the photo after a week, so hopefully everyone will have a chance to see it.

Love to you all,

Also, a good way to introduce my kids to worship music:

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Happy Easter

I was blessed when I went to church tonight. I could really feel God in that place, and I pretty much bawled like a baby the entire time. My spirit needed a wake-up call, and it happened tonight. So I share with you some of the lyrics that feel the most poignant to me on this Easter Eve, and I pray that you and all of your families stay safe this weekend and have a wonderful holiday:

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow,
Because He lives, all fear is gone;
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living,
Just because He lives!

Friday, March 21, 2008

Hey, y'all...

So, who wants to party?

Not only do I sell AVON, now I am also an Independent Beauty Consultant for Mary Kay as well.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Rain, rain, go away!

If you live near me, you know that we're under a flood warning right now! If you don't live near me, I've taken pictures of the Ohio River to show you the overflow:

Monday, March 17, 2008

Prayer Request.

Friends, I'm going through a difficult time right now, and it seems like it's flying at me from all directions. I'd like to ask you for your prayers, not only for me, but for a dear friend who is also going through an extremely difficult time. My trials pale in comparison to hers, but we both need prayer. Please keep us in your hearts.

Love to all,

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Sick as a dog...

I guess those of you who actually browse this blog have noticed that I have not posted anything in several days. I've been sick with the flu, and have literally been spending the entire day in bed, achey and miserable. Ugh. Feeling better today, but not completely 100%. The girls and I are still going to try and make it to church today since we missed last week due to the snow. :0(

In other news, there's not much other news... and I'm going to go and lie down and hope my current dizzy spell passes. :0(

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Big news in my neck of the woods!

So yesterday I became an AVON REPRESENTATIVE!!! This is my first step towards financial freedom, I can feel it. I am going to put absolutely everything I can into this venture, and hopefully it will sustain me until whatever time (if any) that I can get my book published!

If you'd like to order from me, you can do it one of two ways:

1. If you live close by, let me know and I will stop and drop off a catalog, along with any free samples I may have :)

2. You can order directly from my Avon website - and remember, there's never a shipping charge!

My Avon Website

Love to all :)

Saturday, March 8, 2008


These guys are amazing, really!

Friday, March 7, 2008



I love snow, y'all. Seriously. And we have 4 inches, and counting. I guess it just sort of hit me that I might not be able to go to church tomorrow, which really bums me out. I went for the first time last Saturday, and I loved it, so I signed up for a bible study class on Saturday, and intended to go back to service Saturday night after the class... I just checked their website, and they have already canceled all classes for tomorrow morning. SO FAR they are still planning to hold services tomorrow night, so here's to hoping that I actually get to go! :(

Love to all!

Thursday, March 6, 2008

Drama with Gracie's teacher... AGAIN

Last night at dinner, Gracie told me that a boy in her class named Mark tried to punch her in the face. I said, "WHAT?"

G: I held my hands up in front of my face, so he just hit my hands, but he tried to punch my face.
Me: Did you tell your teacher?
G: Yes. But before I told on him, he punched Jalen in the mouth and broke his front tooth, and Mom, it was a permanent tooth!
Me: Did he get in trouble?
G: Yes. He lost his recess for the rest of the week.
Me: Why isn't there a note in your bag telling Mommy what happened?
G: I don't know, but it happened, I promise!
Me: Did you do something to provoke him?
G: What does provoke mean?
Me: It means you did something to make him hit you, like teasing him, or hitting him first.
G: No, I didn't do any of that stuff, Mom. I was just sitting there and eating my lunch and talking to Xzavier (YES that's how his name is spelled), and Mark tried to hit me! When it didn't work right, he hit Jalen, cause Jalen was on his other side. Jalen's mom had to come and get him and take him to the dentist cause he was hurting pretty bad!
Me: I'll bet. I hope his mom sues Mark's parents for the money for the bill.

So I called the school today, and y'all already know I have issues with her teacher:

Me: Miss X, Gracie came home last night and told me that Mark tried to punch her, and there was nothing in her bag about it, so I'm calling you to confirm this.
X: Yes, she's telling the truth. It happened.
Me: Did she do something to provoke him?
X: As best I can tell from what the kids at the lunch table said, Gracie was sitting there, minding her own business and eating lunch, and he just hauled off and tried to hit her, so no, she didn't say anything to him.
Me: But he broke another kid's tooth?
X: I really can't talk about this because of the other kids involved, and I know I should have let you know yesterday, but I was so overwrought because of the whole thing that I didn't tell anyone about it. Today we went to talk to the Principal because she wasn't here yesterday, but he's been put on half-day suspension, so it's taken care of.
Me: So she didn't do anything but he tried to hit her anyway?
X: When I talked to him, he said he really, really wanted to hit Gracie, but when he couldn't, he just hit Jalen.

This is not a good excuse for not telling a parent that her child was almost in a fight! I am BEYOND angry. Seriously. Jason said he's going to march into that school and tell them that if another child puts their hands on Gracie, he's going to press charges against the parents of that child AND the school. I told him not to overreact, and he said 'It's not like when we were in school! They have a strict no-violence policy now, and I want to know why we weren't informed, and why this kid only got a half-day suspension!' I said "THEY'RE IN FIRST GRADE!" He said it didn't matter. What do you guys think?? Am I overreacting?? You know that this is not the first time I've taken issue with this teacher, or this school. GRRRR!

Sunday, March 2, 2008

Drama, drama, drama.

So tonight there was some drama in my life (as if I don't have enough, right?), and I was very upset about it. No, I am very upset about it. I would like to talk to someone in particular, either face to face, on the phone, or via email - but at the same time, I just don't feel it's my place. I love this person dearly, but I really think they are in the wrong and not seeing the situation as a whole. I am very confused, and I'm very hurt. I came home and tried to de-stress by playing games with the baby, but I'm still hurting. Some things were said, some to me, and some not. Very little to me, in fact, but it really hurt because of who it came from. I'm thinking about the sermon we heard yesterday at church, and I'm starting to feel more than ever like I was led there, because while yesterday the sermon wasn't so relevant to me, today it's hitting home, and hard. I have a situation on my hands that I'm going to have to pray about, and pray hard - pray like Hannah. And I'm going to have to listen like Samuel for God's answer. I'm really at a loss, and Ursula, I'm finally going to listen to you as well as the pastor - I have to let go, and let God.

Please pray for me, that I have the strength to do whatever it is God puts on my heart for me to do - whether it be to talk to this person, or just let it go (which those of you who know me know that I have an extremely difficult time of doing), or something else.

Love to all,

Saturday, March 1, 2008

You'll never believe it...

...but we actually made it to church tonight! YAY! We went to Northside, and we were even able to see some of our friends there, which made the experience that much more pleasant. The girls had a blast and didn't want to leave when it was time to go (always a good sign). We came home, had taco night (Gracie LOVES taco night), and played the board game Trouble (Daddy got put in time out 'cause he kept cheating). All in all, not a shabby evening, by any means!

Now, if I could just shake the migraine that's kicking my butt, I'd be great!

Love to all!