Friday, October 15, 2010


I have a hard time forgiving.

Wow... news to you, huh?

LOL. It's true. I can think of at least one long-standing grudge right now that I've held on to for close to 13 years (the person I've held the grudge against apparently thinks I worship the ground they walk on and other such nonsense). I have also held on to several other grudges that have lasted more than a year, and some more than 5.

It's exhausting, and I'd really like to let it all go... but I don't, either.

I'd love to be able to hand it over to God and say, "Lord, just take it. I don't want it anymore." But for whatever reason, every time I do that - I take it right back. all the hurt, anger, and resentment always comes roiling back the millisecond that I even hear the person's name or see something that reminds me of them.

I guess what I'm saying is that I know I have a problem, and prayers to help me let go of it would be appreciated, since I don't know what else to do about it.

Also, I know I have anger issues, and I tend to fly off the handle really quickly - I always thought it was just because I was raised in that kind of home, but I see it in my oldest daughter, and I'm starting to think it might be genetic. I'm already praying about that daily. anyway, my point about this is that my oldest daughter is going to be having her birthday party tomorrow. Friends and family have known about it for nearly 3 weeks... and yet only a select few have chosen to actually let me know whether or not they're coming. Some people have chosen to blatantly ignore the invitation, and others say they're not coming because of something that came up last-minute. Emergencies I understand, trust me. It's when someone can't be bothered to come to a child's birthday party (a family member, at that) that ticks me off. And there's a few that have been consistently invited EVERY year to EVERY child's birthday and have not showed up, but have complained when I haven't showed up to THEIR child's birthday party (How in the heck can I show up when I'm not even invited?). I keep saying "Next year I won't send an invitation. Never again will I waste a stamp on them." But every year I still send one, saying "At least when they don't show AGAIN and disappoint my child AGAIN they won't be able to say they weren't invited or didn't know about it."

My kid's birthday party is gonna be hackin' awesome, whether YOU showed up or not. I always make darn sure of that. Birthdays are days of crazy happy celebration in my house.

Okay... rant over. I'm going to bed and rest up for tomorrow's birthday party, and then trick or treating at the zoo afterwards. :)