on love, in sadness

So my stepdaughter turned 15 today... but she also left us to go back to her mom until next summer. We are all feeling topsy turvy... all very sad. So much sadness. She bawled all the way back to her other families' house (she'll be with them for a day before she flies back overseas). Needless to say, we are not dealing well with her departure. Our family gets to be a complete unit for only 6 weeks out of the year. There's a lot I could say - a lot I want to say - to/about her "other" family... but I won't. In spite of the way things are, I do still pray for them every night to finally wake up and see things as they really are. Praying is all I can do - God has a plan, and I have to trust that He knows what he's doing, even though none of us can understand it.

On top of that, my oldest went to the ER today. Turns out she has bronchitis, strep throat, and a sinus infection... and tomorrow is the first day of school for her and her sister. Fun.

So y'all, I need prayers. lots of prayers. So does my poor husband... because if it's this hard for me, a stepmother, I can't even begin to imagine what it's like for him to have to watch his child leave. I just wish that other people would be more understanding.

where did the last 5 weeks go?

And I'm not even talking about summer, I'm talking about our time with Taylor. It felt like when she got here, we had all the time in the world. Now we have 5 days left with her. She doesn't want to leave, and we don't want her to go. I have to admit that at times like these, I struggle spiritually. I keep telling her that God is keeping her with her mom for a reason, and we don't know why (and may never know), but all we can do is pray... but I am having trouble not questioning Him myself right now. :( I think I need prayers too. :(

Glee makes me ohsohappy!

Yeah, the music from Glee makes me ohsohappy! I'm listening to one of the cd soundtracks and feeling happy even though I feel oogy right now. My allergies are just kicking my butt today, every time I sneeze, it feels like my ovaries explode! :( Despite that slight complication, I managed to get two rooms cleaned and overhauled today, 6 loads of laundry washed (seems like my kids like to hide dirty clothes at the foot of the bed under the covers, and in closets - ew), dinner made, and a trip to the library on top of it all.

Yesterday my middle child asked me about 9-11. I wasn't sure what to tell her, so I chose my words carefully. She promptly told me, "I don't believe people can be that evil." So together, we watched a video on youtube of the towers falling... and she sobbed openly. After we watched it, she said, "Mommy, I wish you hadn't showed that to me now. I want to un-know it." My heart broke for her. Now she wants to learn all about it, the events leading up to it, and what's been done about it since it happened... she checked a book out of the library today that was written to explain the tragedy to kids, and she read halfway through it before she wanted to discuss it. I answered as well as I could, and when I couldn't find the words, she called her Grandma to ask questions. I'm glad she's so curious about everything and that she takes the initiative to research and learn, but at the same time I am so sad that she had to learn about this. Frankly I'm sad to live in the kind of world where something like this even happened... and I remember that morning as I raced to get my oldest child from the babysitter's house (Bud was 11 months old then): "What kind of world have I brought my child into?" I keep my kids pretty sheltered - that was part of the point of my homeschooling them - I could control what information, music, tv, etc went into their little heads. I could pour in all the good they could hold, and there would be no room for the bad. Unfortunately, I know it's not possible. I guess I just want to keep them innocent for as long as I can, since I know that once they hit the outside world without me, they're not going to be innocent for long. Our culture pretty much sees to that even just sitting at home in front of the TV. I hate having to distract them when there's an inappropriate commercial or something on. I protect my kids, and I am unapologetic about it.

My stepdaughter got on a plane this morning from Germany, headed towards US soil. She was supposed to call us as soon as she got here, but so far we haven't heard anything from her. I am hoping that she's okay and will call us soon - I told her to call no matter what time it is, and it's 11 p.m. now.

On a lighter note, my 4 year old is totally in love with Justin Bieber! HA! All 3 of my girls love his song "Baby." Our summer playlist is as follows so far:

1. "Baby" - Justin Bieber
2. "Bulletproof" - La Roux
3. "Need You Now" - Lady Antebellum
4. "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" - Cyndi Lauper
5. "If We Ever Meet Again" - Timbaland f. Katy Perry
6. "That's Not My Name" - The Ting Tings
7. "Funhouse" - Pink (clean version)

Every summer we have a certain set of songs that the girls want to listen to repeatedly - so far it's these 7. In all fairness, all 3 Glee soundtracks should be listed up there too, especially Vol. 1, since it's particularly Rachel-heavy and they LOOOOOOVE Rachel, lol!

The moral to this whole story/post? I have AMAZING kids. Even when I complain about them. ;)

To Sir, With Love

COUNTDOWN TO STEPDAUGHTER'S ARRIVAL: 18 DAYS.

The title of today's post comes from the Lulu song, most recently performed by the cast of Glee in the season finale. I have watched it twice now, and bawled both times. Gosh, I love that show!

Didn't do much of anything today, except play around with some photos in photoshop that I took of my niece. I also made plans with someone awesome (seriously, I LOVE my husband's family - see my list of things to be thankful post several entries ago) to go and take some pictures when my stepdaughter gets here! Can't wait! We have so much planned just that first week, it's going to be amazing. Eclipse midnight premiere that night, shopping the next day, and for two days after that, a trip to Little Nashville in Brown County, Indiana!!! LOVE IT!

The thing I'm dreading is cleaning my oldest daughter's room next week... I HAVE to clean it before my stepdaughter gets here, as she and Bud share a room upstairs. I have bad problems with arthritis in my knees, so I do well just to make it to the basement and back to do laundry... I rarely go upstairs. Unfortunately, my less-than-neat daughter takes advantage of this fact, and as a result, her floor isn't visible! I am SO dreading the cleaning it's going to take to get that room ship-shape.

Tomorrow... which I guess is technically today, since the clock is currently reading 12:13 a.m. - we have dentist appointments for all 3 girls, and then in the afternoon a visit to the pediatrician for my oldest daughter's yearly checkup. I will also have to make a stop at the Dollar Tree to get some wrapping paper - I always wrap up my stepdaughter's gifts before she gets here. She loves opening gifts, and we love watching her do it, she's so funny!!!

Okay, I'm going to say goodnight to blogland and TRY to get off of my laptop... my husband complains that he thinks it's attached to my lap anymore! LOL!

it's over...

Lulu took her test this morning, so it's over. Phew. We won't find out the results until Monday or later next week, though they did say Monday would be the earliest we'd hear anything. The lady told us it would take an hour, but my girl finished it in 20 minutes! She said it was easy peasy, so we'll see.

Since we got up at the buttcrack of dawn, I was dragging. We came home and I crawled back into bed and fell asleep totally without meaning to... but my wonderful husband let me sleep and he took care of the kids, even made them an early lunch! Thanks, honey!

In 20 days, my stepdaughter will be home. I finally ordered the invitations for her birthday party, and hopefully once they arrive here I will turn around and get them straight back in the mail! It's going to be a busy several weeks around here!

chick flicks

So my stepdaughter and I were talking on the phone today, and it's 4 weeks until she comes home. I was telling her about all these movies that I think she'd love, and we decided that we are going to have a chick flick movie night when she comes home! We're going to pop popcorn, have sodas, pizza, ice cream, and chocolate and watch chick flicks all night long! I already have a stack of them waiting, and it's four weeks away! LOL!

Today we celebrated Memorial Day by going over to my sister in law's house. The girls played with their cousin outside in the sprinkler and had a good time. There was a very bad part of the day, but it's too fresh right now and I don't feel like going into it. Suffice it to say, other than that, it was a pretty good day.

Tonight I replanted Fifi's carrots. At one point she had a sprout, but then it disappeared and never came back. I planted some more seeds, and in 8-12 days hopefully we'll see some sprouts, and I'm going to pretend like they're the ones she planted. She is so upset every day, going out and seeing Bud's thriving watermelons and Lulu's (now TWELVE) Chinese Lantern flower sprouts, I think she'll be thrilled when the carrot sprouts pop up.

Other than that, I just have to print and mail out my stepdaughter's birthday party invitations. I'd like to do them on cardstock like you would for a wedding invitation, so does anyone out in the blogosphere know where I can buy some nice blank ones pretty cheap?